WH Unveils Plan to Get Every American to Hate Donald Trump
“Behind Winston’s back the voice from the telescreen was still babbling away about pig-iron and the overfulfilment of the Ninth Three-Year Plan. The telescreen received and transmitted simultaneously.”
What do Americans in 2018 hate? Really, really hate?
And not just some Americans. Everyone. Your grandma and your boss and your annoying neighbor and those kids at the skate park.
You’ll soon be getting a message on your phone from the President of the United States — whether you are a supporter or not.
It’s not a political message, but an emergency test message sent from President Donald Trump as part of the Federal Emergency Management Agency’s system to warn the public in cases of emergency, such as dangerous weather, and missing children.
A majority of cell phone users will receive an alert on Thursday, September 20, with the header “Presidential Alert” and the message, “THIS IS A TEST of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System. No action is needed.”
That’s right. At 2:18 pm on Thursday, Donald Trump will attempt to send spam to every phone in America.
Whether it’s a flood alert you already know about, an offer to upgrade your cell plan, even a political message you might otherwise applaud, being mentally yanked out of a productive meeting, stressful drive, kid’s recital or soothing nap by inane, unwanted messages, often accompanied by screaming alert tones, is on everyone’s hate list. Probably top five.
And now Himself decides he wants to be America’s new Heather from cardholder services.
I cannot express how much I love this idea. If this happens, if no one convinces Himself of the folly of Self-branding America’s most loathed daily annoyance, watch the next week’s approval numbers. Really.
Addendum: It’s possible FEMA will have something significant to announce by Thursday. Like, maybe Nielsen firing the agency chief. For whose position there has been no deputy for two years. In the middle of responding to a “thousand-year flood.” Be best.